At this stage, your children are going through major changes: they seek to understand themselves in relation to others, to be validated, to belong, and to get to know themselves. At the same time, you, as an authority figure, are also experiencing your own adjustments—of identity, validation, and adaptation—within the new family dynamics that are being built.It’s common for conversations to revolve around negotiation to define schedules, schoolwork, teamwork, use of electronic devices, playtime, downtime, friendships, etc. And surely, in many of these, you may not agree from your position of authority.How can you turn conflicts into connection with your children?Instead of seeing conflicts as a battle where someone must win, it’s better to recognize them as an opportunity to learn, change, and grow. A well-managed conflict gives your children valuable tools for the future: it teaches them how to act, how to react, and how to find solutions with calm and discernment. For this, we recommend the following:Breathe and try to be impartial. Try to listen with emotional distance, that is, from the perspective of someone outside the situation. Avoid becoming defensive.Avoid responding or having a conversation when you feel your emotions are overflowing. It’s valid to postpone the conversation until you feel better, when emotions have passed and you feel calm. This is called self-control, a skill your children should also learn by observing you.Listen first. At your children’s school age, it’s common for their emotions to change from one moment to the next, to be contradictory, and for them not to know what they’re feeling. Active listening is very important, because at this age, your children are experiencing bigger and more intense problems than at other stages. Besides listening, you should also pay attention to the words they use, understand what they feel, and their perspective on the facts.A big part of listening is not judging their friends, partners, tastes, etc. If they detect judgment in your words, they will immediately distance themselves. It’s better to ask questions that lead them to reflect on what you’re thinking, their actions, or their friendships.Negotiate. The idea is not to see who wins the conflict, but to understand each other. Look for a way for both of you to benefit from your needs, always highlighting the responsibility you both have and the non-negotiables you want to defend.Conflicts will always exist; what shouldn’t exist is fighting or power struggles, because at that point communication breaks down and authority is lost. An adult who remains calm and keeps control of the situation offers their children an example of true tools of power: serenity, self-control, and the ability to manage conflicts intelligently.Remember that at this stage it’s very important to learn to be clear, assertive, firm, and loving. Take care of the relationship through love, admiration, and respect. This is achieved when your children see in you an authority figure who will follow through with consequences for their actions, both good and bad. A figure they can trust to talk to and express how they feel.As students, your children are doing their best at school: they are part of new groups, explore different activities, discover new sensations, and learn to recognize their own limits. At school, we want them to be able to express themselves in many ways. Through activities like debates, student councils, and committees, students learn to question, negotiate, and reach agreements with others, thus strengthening their critical thinking and social skills.A large part of our work is to strengthen their skills to resolve conflicts, communicate with empathy, be independent, and work collaboratively. That’s why the way you resolve disagreements with them at home is also part of their learning and the joint preparation we do for their future.
