Have you ever heard something like, “I told you so,” “I’m telling you to be careful,” “I wish I had more time for myself,” or “Without my child, I wouldn’t know how to live”? These are phrases many mums and dads admit to using with their children.Sometimes, words have the power to trigger unpleasant emotions in those who hear them. In general, these phrases directly affect how our children feel. They can lower their self-confidence or make them less likely to trust us when they need to talk.How would you describe your relationship with your child? Do they know how to communicate what they need? Who solves their needs?All humans need to communicate. From the time we’re little, we show our needs through crying or laughter – it’s how we let others know we’re hot, hungry or tired. We start building emotional connections with our caregivers, usually mum and dad, who teach us how to relate and show us there’s a safe base of protection, with those primary carers always there for us.But what happens when that connection isn’t right? Respecting our children’s needs is crucial, because they’ll always need an adult. That’s why the type of relationship we build matters – it’s the bond or connection we create, which goes beyond just being close.Meeting needs for love, care and protection is part of secure attachment. As responsible adults, we need to build this so our children grow up with healthier relationships, stronger emotional independence, the ability to manage their feelings, know their own space and face life’s challenges confidently.Building healthy bonds with our children means showing them that being together is joyful and that separation is natural. Good relationships are about attachment that isn’t anxious, dependent or unhealthy, and doesn’t cause problems – it’s about forming a secure relationship.
