Healthy conflict management with adolescents

Conflict might be a word you hear often at home, and that’s completely normal.

Turning tension into connection

Conflict might be a word you hear often at home, and that’s completely normal. Right now, your child is going through big changes – they want to understand themselves in relation to others, feel validated, belong and get to know who they are. At the same time, you, as a parent, are also adjusting, finding your identity, seeking validation and adapting to new family dynamics.

It’s common to have conversations where negotiation takes centre stage – setting schedules, schoolwork, teamwork, screen time, play time, rest, friendships and more. And, from your perspective as a parent, you might not always agree.

So, how do you turn conflict into connection with your child?

Instead of seeing conflict as a battle where someone has to win, recognise it as a chance to learn, change and grow. Well-managed conflict gives your child valuable tools for the future – it teaches them how to act, react and find solutions calmly and wisely.

Here’s what we recommend:

Breathe and aim to be impartial. Try to listen with emotional distance, as if you were someone outside the situation. Avoid getting defensive. Don’t respond or talk when your emotions are running high. It’s okay to postpone the conversation until you feel better, when emotions have settled and you’re calm. This is called self-control, a skill your child will learn by watching you.

Listen first. At your child’s age, emotions can change quickly and even contradict each other. They might not know what they’re feeling. Active listening is key, because at this age, your child is facing bigger, more intense problems than before. Listen to their words, understand what they feel and see things from their perspective. Listening also means not judging their friends, relationships or interests. If they sense judgement, they’ll pull away. Instead, ask questions that help them reflect on their actions, thoughts or friendships.

Negotiate. The goal isn’t to win, but to understand each other. Find a way for both of you to benefit, always highlighting shared responsibility and the non-negotiables you want to protect. Conflict will always exist; what shouldn’t exist is fighting or power struggles, because that breaks communication and undermines authority. An adult who stays calm and in control sets an example of real power: calm, self-control and the ability to manage conflict wisely.

Remember, at this stage it’s important to be clear, firm and loving. Nurture your relationship with love, admiration and respect. Your child needs to see you as an authority who follows through on consequences – good or bad – and as someone they can trust to talk to and share their feelings.

As students, your child is doing their best at school – joining new groups, exploring different activities, discovering new feelings and learning to recognise their own limits. At school, we encourage students to express themselves in many ways. Through activities like debates, student councils and committees, students learn to question, negotiate and reach agreements, building critical thinking and social skills.

A big part of our work is helping students build conflict resolution skills, communicate with empathy, be independent and collaborate. That’s why the way you resolve disagreements at home is also part of their learning and the joint preparation we do for their future.