Bonds that transform: Secure attachment in young children

The type of relationship we build with our children is so important it goes beyond just being physically present.

Have you ever heard something like… “I told you so,” “I keep telling you to be careful,” “I wish I had more time for myself,” or “Without my child, I wouldn’t know how to live”?

These are phrases many moms and dads have admitted to using with their children. Sometimes, the power of words can trigger unpleasant emotions in those who hear them. In general, this type of phrase directly affects how our children feel—it can lower their self-confidence or even the trust they have in us to communicate openly.

How would you define the relationship you have with your children? Do they know how to communicate what they need? Who takes care of fulfilling those needs?

All human beings need to communicate. From the time we are little, we express some of our needs through crying or laughter—that’s how we let others know we are hot, hungry, or tired. We begin by forming emotional connections with our caregivers—often mom and dad—from whom we learn how to build relationships and feel that we have a safe, protective base with caregivers who are available and willing to be there for us. But what happens when that connection isn’t secure?

Respecting our children’s needs is essential because they will always depend on an adult. That is why the type of relationship we build with them is so important it goes beyond just being physically present.

Meeting children’s needs for love, care, and protection is part of the secure attachment that we, as responsible adults, must create so that as they grow, they can build healthier relationships, develop emotional independence, learn to manage their feelings, recognize their own space, and handle life’s challenges in the best way possible.

Building healthy bonds with our children means teaching them that being together is joyful, while separation is natural. Creating these kinds of relationships prevents anxious, dependent, or unhealthy attachment and instead fosters security, confidence, and emotional well-being.

How to know if you have secure attachment with your child

• You are present and mindful in the moment you share with them while staying true to yourself as a person.
• You accompany and guide them, honoring your role as an adult and respecting their developmental stage without trying to rush it.
• You know how to set boundaries to protect them and promote both safety and independence.
• You express your feelings through words, physical affection, or meaningful gestures.
• You enjoy their company but also value and make time for yourself.

If you answered “yes” to three or more of these points, you are on the right path toward building secure attachment with your children. If not, consider the following recommendations:

How to develop secure attachment

• Let them learn to do things on their own little by little. Give them options, let them choose, and allow them to make mistakes without fear.
• Validate their feelings. When you notice they are sad, angry, happy, or excited, approach them, name the emotion, and share a story about a time you felt the same way. This helps them understand that emotions are normal.
• Observe them. Nothing feels better than being seen. Be attentive and tell them you notice what they do, what they don’t do, and what they want to do.
• Protect them. Make sure they feel you are there for them whenever they need you.
• Empower them. Show them they are capable of doing different activities, tasks, or games—this builds their confidence and self-esteem.
• Celebrate their achievements. Recognize even the simplest accomplishments to help them feel proud of themselves.

Remember

One of the keys to secure attachment is showing your children that they can trust you in everything they do. This sense of safety gives them the confidence to discover, create, and explore.

This type of attachment can be built with any adult who interacts closely with your children—it isn’t exclusive to parents. It can also be developed at school, which is why we place great importance on helping children grow up happy, secure, and well-prepared for the future in an environment that strengthens their self-esteem and emotional well-being, with families as partners in the process.

With us, your children learn in a safe space where free and guided exploration supports their optimal development. They learn through play, following rules, interacting with others, solving problems, expressing their feelings, boosting their curiosity, developing creativity, and discovering the world together in a safe, loving, fun, and healthy environment.

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