Discovering and managing emotions in preschool children

Have you ever seen a tantrum get out of control at the supermarket? Have you ever felt similar frustration with your children?

Being a parent involves an intense emotional journey, and here we explain why.

People react to what happens around them. We perceive through what we hear, smell, see, taste, or touch. Our senses are always alert, sending us signals when something is not right.

Think about how you would feel if you were walking down a lonely street and heard footsteps behind you getting closer and closer. Gradually, your senses and past experiences create a context for what you are experiencing. When those footsteps come even closer and the person touches your shoulder, your heart is already racing and your emotions begin sending messages about what is happening.

In this situation, people generally have two options: run or fight. What would you do?

Either option would be a normal reaction, driven by external information that triggered physiological changes in your body and motivated you to act in some way.

Emotions are reactions that are activated in response to a stimulus, event, or situation and lead to action. There are as many emotions as there are colors. The most common are fear, joy, anger, surprise, sadness, and disgust. These are called basic emotions, and they are represented by the same facial expressions all over the world.

Something very important to remember is that emotions are temporary; they last only a few seconds. Once you feel them, you cannot avoid them. They are messengers: each emotion appears to tell you that something is happening—something that requires your attention.

Understanding emotions is not easy, especially if you are 3, 4, or 5 years old and your brain is still developing. In order to regulate emotions and avoid situations like the one mentioned above, it is important to first control our actions. This is only possible when the prefrontal cortex of our brain is fully developed, which does not happen until the age of 25 or 30. Now you can see why your children need you your mature prefrontal cortex—to help them understand what they are feeling, what the emotion is called, what happens when they cross a limit, or how to solve a problem!

When it comes to emotions in the family, adults must first learn to regulate their own emotions before helping their children. Here is a simple process you can follow when a situation begins to overwhelm you:

1. Stop! Whatever is happening, pause and focus on your breathing.
2. Identify where you feel it. Allow the emotion to surface and notice where in your body you perceive it.
3. Name it and receive its message. Name what you are feeling based on what you know or have experienced before. Then, discover the message this emotion has for you in the context of what is happening.
4. Transform it. If what you are feeling is heavy or unpleasant, try to transform it into something more positive for yourself and those around you.

These four steps can help you manage overwhelming emotions you may be experiencing. Remember: all emotions are valid; there are no “good” or “bad” emotions—only some that feel pleasant and others that feel unpleasant.

How to Help Children Regulate Their Emotions

Helping children regulate their emotions is not as complicated as it may seem. You simply need to pay attention to what you observe and to what they express about how they are feeling. Here are some recommendations:

• Help them name what they are feeling. How? When you see them struggling to complete a task, tell them it seems they are feeling frustrated because they can’t finish it, and help them feel comfortable with that emotion.
• Be their role model. How? If you yell or stop talking to them when you are angry, they will learn that this is how anger should be expressed. Instead, tell them that you are not reacting well and that you are going to take a moment to breathe.
• Have natural conversations. How? Avoid the typical questions we ask after school or activities. Instead, look for a calm moment to talk in a casual, close way. As you listen, try to recognize emotions through their expressions.
• Validate their emotions. How? Let them know that you are listening and that what they are feeling is okay. This helps them understand that their emotions matter and deserve respect.
• Set boundaries. How? This means validating what they feel, but not what they do with those emotions especially if they hurt themselves or others. For example, if they hit when they are angry, validate the emotion but make it clear that aggression is not acceptable and help them find better ways to calm down.
• Play emotion games. How? Try guessing what characters in stories or movies are feeling in different situations. This helps children realize that we all experience emotions constantly.
• Practice moments of calm. How? Set aside a few minutes to practice simple breathing exercises or moments of silence and peace.

Emotions are constantly changing, and sometimes they come in waves, overwhelming us with many feelings at the same time. Remember: all emotions are essential to life. If you feel that you need professional help, seek it as an act of love and responsibility toward yourself and your family.

With us, your children learn in an environment of trust where they can express their emotions naturally, build self-esteem, and grow in ways that support their overall development and prepare them for life as confident and emotionally healthy adults.

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