Discovering and managing emotions in preschool children

Have you ever seen a tantrum spiral out of control in the supermarket?

Have you ever seen a tantrum spiral out of control in the supermarket? Have you felt that same frustration with your own child? Being a parent is an emotional journey – here’s why.

We react to what’s happening around us. We pick up signals through what we hear, smell, see, taste or touch. Our senses are always on alert, sending us messages when something isn’t right. Imagine walking down a quiet street and hearing footsteps behind you, getting closer. Your senses and past experiences build a picture of what’s happening. When those footsteps get close and someone taps your shoulder, your heart races and your emotions send you signals about what’s going on. In that moment, you have two choices: run or fight. What would you do? Either reaction is normal, driven by outside information that triggers changes in your body and pushes you to act.

Emotions are reactions that kick in as a response to a stimulus, event or situation, and they drive us to act. There are as many emotions as there are colours. The most common are fear, joy, anger, surprise, sadness and disgust. These are called basic emotions, and they show up with the same facial expressions everywhere in the world. What’s important is that emotions are fleeting – they last just a few seconds. Once you feel them, you can’t avoid them. They’re messengers, each one showing up to tell you something you need to pay attention to.

Understanding emotions isn’t easy, especially if you’re three, four or five years old and your brain is still developing. To manage emotions and avoid the supermarket meltdown, it’s important to control your actions – and that only happens when your brain’s prefrontal cortex is fully developed, which isn’t until you’re 25 or 30! Now you can see why your child needs you, your mature prefrontal cortex, to help them understand what they’re feeling, name the emotion, know what happens if they cross a line or figure out how to solve a problem.

When we talk about emotions as a family, adults need to learn how to regulate their own feelings first, then help their children. Here’s a simple process you can use when things get overwhelming:

Stop! Whatever’s happening, pause and focus on your breathing.
Notice where you feel it. Let the emotion show up and recognise where you feel it in your body.
Name it and get the message. Name what you’re feeling based on what you know or have felt before. Figure out what message that emotion has for you, based on what’s happening.
Transform it. If what you’re feeling is heavy or unpleasant, try to turn it into something better for you and those around you.

These four steps can help you manage tough emotions. Remember, all emotions are valid – there aren’t good or bad ones, just some that feel pleasant and others that don’t.

So, how do we help our children regulate their emotions? It’s not that complicated. Just pay attention to what you see and what your child can tell you about how they feel. Here are some tips:

Help them name what they feel. How? If you see your child struggling to finish a task, tell them it looks like they’re getting frustrated because they can’t do it, and help them feel comfortable with that feeling.
Be their role model. How? If you shout or stop talking when you’re angry, your child will learn that’s how to show anger. When you feel that way, tell them you’re not reacting well and you’re going to take a breath.
Talk naturally. How? Skip the usual questions when they get home from school or an activity. Instead, find a quiet moment and chat simply, closely and naturally. While you listen, look for emotions in their gestures.
Validate their emotions. How? Let them know you’re listening and that what they feel is okay. This helps them know their emotions matter and are respected.
Set boundaries. How? Validate what they feel, but not what they do with those feelings, especially if it hurts others or themselves. If you see your child hit when they’re angry, validate that the emotion is anger, but make it clear that’s not a reason to hurt anyone, and help them find a way to calm down.
Play at guessing emotions. How? Try to figure out what characters in stories or movies are feeling in different situations. This helps your child realise everyone feels things all the time.
Keep calm. How? Practise a few minutes of simple breathing or quiet time together, sitting in peace.

Emotions change and sometimes come all at once, making us feel overwhelmed. Remember, every emotion is needed in life. If you think you need help from a professional, reach out – it’s an act of love and responsibility for you and your family.

With us, your child learns in a trusting environment where they can express emotions naturally, building self-esteem and growing in ways that help them thrive as adults.